http://heatherisamotherfuck.tumblr.com/

I found an old ad I had up on a singles site.

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 19:39:21 -0700

How embarrassing. The only ad I ever posted, quite dubiously, at the amusing suggestion of a friend (you know who you are) because I figured, why not? And now, since I logged in due to an email notification that I had New Messages!, I’m getting drowned in messages from troglodytes.

I’m glad I’ve learned to laugh at myself.

Also, tomorrow I go back to another farm for another interview.

My horse has to be moved within about, oh say, a week, so I have to figure something out to get him a stall somewhere reasonably close to me so I can put him back to work, get myself going again in the scene, and if I’m lucky meet myself some clients and get some paychecks rolling in.

In other news, Target is pretty great sometimes when it comes to reasonably priced kitchenware. I’m not saying you can get top of the line set of anything there (you can’t) but we’ve gotten ourselves some German-steel knives and a set of stainless steel something or other coated cookware that can go straight from the stovetop to the oven.

There are some heavenly smells wafting upstairs.

There is currently a competition in my household to be what I call “The Most Valid...

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 12:31:28 -0700

There is currently a competition in my household to be what I call “The Most Valid Complainer”.

Although grammatically incorrect, the term is fully descriptive.

Our A/C died three days ago. In the afternoons our house is over 100 degrees. The landlord refuses to have it fixed, at least so far.

It's called transference I think.

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 12:48:28 -0700

superdoofus-stratodrive:

henryeatspeople:

My married friend asked for suggestions for sex music. We discussed music she could do a stripdance to. Then she asked about music she could play after the dance whilst they’re getting it on. I immediately said Portishead, no hesitation.

Now all she talks about is how amazing Portishead is.

Now whenever we talk I think of sex.

troof.

pretty hate machine and portishead/portishead are like bookends in the sexual history of the “alternative” people reared in the 1990’s.

too bad the lyrics don’t fit sex. sidenote: don’t forget about mazzy star for the afterglow.

Indeed.

And there’s always My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult which inevitably makes me think of leather and spike heels.

thelemasmorta: i've seriously considered putting up a webcam site so pervy people can watch us fuck for 99.99 a month.

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 18:47:57 -0700

thelemasmorta (6:35:45 PM): i've seriously considered putting up a webcam site so pervy people can watch us fuck for 99.99 a month.

drugtr (6:35:56 PM): id pay

thelemasmorta (6:36:03 PM): morta33@gmail.com for paypal
thelemasmorta (6:36:05 PM): and shit's on

drugtr (6:36:17 PM): hell if you just write me steamy emails i will pay

thelemasmorta (6:36:19 PM): you can totally pretend you're jason!

drugtr (6:36:27 PM): mmmmmm

thelemasmorta (6:36:43 PM): i can mail you my panties.

drugtr (6:37:00 PM): preferably stained brown@!

thelemasmorta (6:37:16 PM): i'll wipe my ass with them next time i poo
thelemasmorta (6:37:22 PM): and put them in a ziplock

drugtr (6:37:31 PM): just DONT wipe, walk around for a day and ill pay more

thelemasmorta (6:37:54 PM): as long as you don't want pics of me licking them afterwards i'll do it

drugtr (6:37:59 PM): nope

thelemasmorta (6:38:08 PM): ok. but you'll have to PAY

thelemasmorta (6:38:15 PM): at LEAST like fifteen bucks for that

drugtr (6:38:23 PM): ill give you 10

thelemasmorta (6:38:29 PM): 12.50

drugtr (6:38:40 PM): and a picture of lionel ritchie that i found on the sidewalk

thelemasmorta (6:38:47 PM): 11?

beautifulanddepraved: “I tend to access them through deep love and openness, or through really...

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:01:57 -0700

beautifulanddepraved:

“I tend to access them through deep love and openness, or through really intense, pounding fucking. The latter are therapeutic in that I feel like something is locked up inside me and I can’t reach it through words, or by a name, but if I’m fucked long enough and hard enough then it just tumbles out of me. In grunts, tears and unwinding. I get there through endurance and persistence. I need to have deep, cervical stimulation, usually when I’m being taken from behind, and I’m on my knees.”

Me, in Orgasmapedia: The Elusive Cervical Orgasm for F/lthyGorgeousTh/ngs

I’m dead broke or I would have purchased the article. Also, I feel so very bad for women who can’t tell the difference between their orgasms — and I’m afraid that’s because they haven’t had enough orgasmic experiences to be able to know the difference between them.

I’m so horrified, when I watch things like HBOs Real Sex, when couples go to “workshops” where they learn basic things like where the clitoris is. It’s really very saddening to realize that so many people are having such lousy sex.

I, on the other hand, am one of those people that loves to fuck. I love to orgasm, and I refuse to not cum at least twice during sex.

Perhaps I should start some workshops for women in which I teach them how to have different sorts of orgasms. I think it might do both genders a bit of good, and be quite fun at the same time.

Damn this whole not having a job thing. It’s addicted me to Farmville.

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 15:06:02 -0700

Damn this whole not having a job thing. It’s addicted me to Farmville.

I am a horrible person. Primordial dwarf kids are adoreable....

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 16:01:52 -0700

I am a horrible person. Primordial dwarf kids are adoreable. Click-through for story.

ihatemyparents: Her parents are laughing and taking pictures…I...

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 18:13:41 -0700

ihatemyparents:

Her parents are laughing and taking pictures…I hate her parents.

I cannot WAIT to have kids. (Seriously. The subject of adoption has come up more than once, and we’re both pretty excited.) Also, I am a terrible person for laughing at this, but I’m going to be an awesome parent.. and so is J.

thisiswhyyourefat: Toasted Ravioli Deep fried ravioli. (via...

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 17:35:49 -0700

thisiswhyyourefat:

Toasted Ravioli

Deep fried ravioli.

(via flickr)

Jason is making this for dinner. With lobster ravioli. Fuck wanting to be skinny, just for today.

Oh to be a bag lady.

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 17:32:48 -0700

Oh to be a bag lady.

No news on the job front. I also discovered that there IS a candy called Charms, and it...

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:55:36 -0700

No news on the job front.

I also discovered that there IS a candy called Charms, and it wasn’t just Generation Kill avoiding Copyright infringement.

Sidenote: I am now the proud owner of Fruity Rudy desktop wallpaper, and signed up to be in his online Hero Living program.

Fuck. Yes.

(Read the articles that inspired the book/miniseries, because they are good: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

True Blood needs less Anna Paquin and less of the Sookie character in general, because every time...

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:52:14 -0700

True Blood needs less Anna Paquin and less of the Sookie character in general, because every time she speaks I want to stab her right in the face.

There is a smell coming from the kitchen that makes me want to eat and fuck.

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 17:04:21 -0700

There is a smell coming from the kitchen that makes me want to eat and fuck.

I have such a headache. All I want is a cigarette, and payday isn’t til the 1st. I have $1.86...

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:27:28 -0700

I have such a headache. All I want is a cigarette, and payday isn’t til the 1st.

I have $1.86 in my paypal. Think that’s enough to go buy me some Bugler?

snerk

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 20:31:11 -0700

*snerk*

Kind of makes the rest of us look bad, dunnit?

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 20:10:24 -0700

Kind of makes the rest of us look bad, dunnit?

Aussie artist Sam Jinks sculptures | Design You Trust. World’s...

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 14:19:46 -0700

Aussie artist Sam Jinks sculptures | Design You Trust. World’s Most Provocative Social Inspiration.

I stole this from ilikedginger.

I'm not holding my breath.

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 21:32:25 -0700

The interview went swimmingly. I taught two lessons; one semi-private 2nd level Dressage, one children’s mixed-discipline beginners (age 6-12).

And rode one horse. One 17.3 fleabitten gray, 15 year old… and I’m guessing here.. Rhinelander? Too big to be a Thoroughbred or Dutch, Swedish horses tend to be bay. He was quite lovely, even though I’m tragically out of shape (really? 150? puke.) and even though he tried to charge down the long side at the canter I warmed him up very deep and ended up with some lovely rolling, swinging gaits at the end. The program director seemed satisfied with my skills, if not vaguely impressed, though I’m hesitant to say so without knowing whether or not I got the job.

But really, I’m quite well qualified for the position. If I don’t land the position, it’s because of some politicking unknown to me.

Interview for dream job: Saturday, 9 a.m.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 12:59:58 -0700

Will be interviewing at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center at one of their featured farms, T.E.S. (Traditional Equitation School) which happens to need a part-time weekend instructor. I’m pretty sure my foot in the door here could lead to great things, considering the LAEC has one show a month that I could enter (providing I could get the Danimal boarded there for a reasonable price) in order to get my bronze/silver USDF medals within the next two to three years; I could acquire my BHS certifications and actually make a name for myself while riding on the coattails of an established, credible farm.

And if I’m lucky, build a clientele on the side and within, say, 10 years, open up my own facility, and get rich people with pipe dreams to purchase very expensive horses for me to compete on the international circuit. (This may sound really far out, but it’s common practice in my industry. Really.)

Now, that’s the long term goals; at least I’m lucky enough to work within a sport where women and men compete against each other at equal levels, and a lot of your personal success is based on exactly how hard you work for it. Of course, a certain amount is also who you know/who likes you because there’s always at least some politicking everywhere, but if I’m lucky I can fly under the radar of all that and find my own success without having to lick someone’s asshole in the process.

Going into these things I’m usually so confident, but I’ve got a lot riding on whether or not I get this job. As a result, I’m going to be so nervous I act like a complete ass. Maybe sometime between now and then I’ll be able to pep talk myself into a “fuck it” sort of attitude that will make me come off as though I know what I’m talkign about.

superdoofus-stratodrive: all those sculptures you’ve seen are...

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:42:59 -0700

superdoofus-stratodrive:

all those sculptures you’ve seen are not stylized; there are horses out there that look like this.

Yes. There are. And no, they don’t get much finer than Lipizzans.. too bad modern-day Dressage enthusiasts are so obsessed with breeding absolutely giant (17.3h+) Warmbloods of various type that move like cats but just can’t quite move with the ease of a baroque horse. You see, horses like the Lipizzan, the Andalusian, and the Lusitano were smartly bred to be sturdy enough to be able to move through the battlefield without breaking down like our modern-day sporthorse-types. It’s sad, really, that there’s an “Andalusian fad”. These horses are far easier to train, and take to classical training with ease since — oh surprise!! — they’re conformationally built for it. These horses collect naturally and will go to the Haute école before all those silly-headed Dutch horses can even learn clean changes.